2009 In Review

I saw this on another blog and thought I would do this also. 2009 had it's ups and downs this year but lead me to a much better frame of find and helped me better sort through it all. Here's a cliff notes version of it all.

January--Busily got files ready for an audit, helped out at a nearby soup kitchen. Found out we were getting a very nice tax refund which helped fund what was to come in the summer. =)

February--Celebrated 7 years of marriage. Became proud owners of a Wii Fit. Became a red head for awhile. =)

March--Helped out with Special Olympics. Began to took for a new apartment as we were getting very fed up with our current one. Very busy month at work. I billed 500 units (average billing is 395). Celebrated Mike's and Pretzels birthdays.

April--Found the apartment we would end up moving to during the summer. Put the deposit down. Got a Wii Fit and started using it! COMPLETED my new things challenge!

May--Very uneventful month. Mainly focused on Packing.

June--Moved into our cute new place (our 3rd floor corner apartment). Little did we know one of our friends would become our neighbor just a few months later. Auditioned for the Eaglebrook Drama team (I did get on the list but one barely gets called for it).

July--Went through a month of disputing our damage deposit charges as our former landlord made up a bunch of bogus charges. We eventually won and got our deposit and half a months rent back. Re-established an estranged friendship. Celebrated my 33rd Birthday (and the neighbors dog bit me that morning, not fun) and got to ring it in with my family and Grandmother.

August--Had a great time at our Cities Festival in the Park, dealt with some drama that is am not going to get into, our friend JP moved into our building, found out my Grandmother had stage 4 cancer, took a flight to Montana with my Siblings to spend time with her.

September--My Grandmother passed away from Cancer. Rang in the College Football Season and watched a lot of Florida Gator Games.

October--Started Volunteer Orientation at Hope Lodge, Attended Grief Support Group, Discovered Fruit Bouquets, started attending Fusion at New Hope Church attended Home Safety Training as well as getting to see Dr. Daniel Amen's conference which was awesome. Started operation caffeine reduction.

November--PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOANS, went to a Vikings game (yes, I am shocked too but I did not root for them), lost my 1st 10 pounds, My husband and I had our own Thanksgiving, attended a Scrapbooking Retreat wknd (Which did not end well), got a replacement TV for Free!

December--Fought bronchitis, played Santa and delivered the Hennepin County gift program items, saw a Christmas Story at the Mounds Theater..the rest is still unwritten.....

-Jackie

Feelings of Inadequacy...

Lately I have been thinking about 2008 and 2009. At the end of 2008 I was just ready for the year to be over (like many people I knew). I have not felt the same way in 2009 though looking back this year has had it's share of struggles (my husband not being able to find steady work, the drama we had at our last apartment the first half of the year and of course losing my Grandmother to Cancer). When I look back on both years I found myself thinking "Why is it so painful to look back on 2008 when 2009 had it's fair share of struggles?"

After hearing a Message at our Church (Eaglebrook), I figured it out. In 2008 I shut down and surrendered to feelings of inadequacy......I threw myself into Caretaking for others and shut myself off from the world, even in the areas I was doing well in (an example of this is work). In 2008 I played the internal tapes in my head of "you are not a good person, that's why you don't have a lot of friends", "your husband is struggling because you have not done enough to be a good wife.", "your co-workers do not like you and that's why they wrote some negative comments on your 6 month review." After a year of this all I wanted to do was hide under the covers and isolate. I would look at other people's lives, decide they were perfect (when there is no such thing) and continue the negative self talk. Not healthy at all.....

This year I have really learned a lot about getting through tough times and taking care of myself. I have learned how to better nurture the friendships I have that are working and to get rid of the unhealthy ones. My marriage has improved as well as our level of communication with each other. It was heartbreaking but one thing she taught me was to seize the day and don't take the relationships in my life for Granted. Because of this I have been more open to forgiving people and sorting through hurts instead of just stuffing them down inside. While I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy I take the time to figure out where these feelings are coming from and whether or not the issue is something I need to change or just an area in life where I need to refocus my thoughts on the positive things. Are these things in life I don't have that I still want? Of Course, but I also need to give myself credit for the things I have accomplished in my life or this year for example (finishing a year long new things challenge, starting to Volunteer at Hope Lodge, drastically reducing my caffeine intake).

What will 2010 bring? I have no idea. Would I love it to have less drama in it? Of Course. But I also want it to be a year where I can continue to enjoy the little things, to take a few chances and to be able to not compare myself to others/beat myself up. My theme song is the song "How you live" by Point of Grace. I think the Chorus of the song best sums up what I want for my life.

Turn up the music, turn it up loud
Take a few chances, let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it, looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew, and it's not what you did it's
how you live.

-Jackie

Wordless Wednesday

Would you like it if the Tables were turned?

I have been sick this week. With being sick has come more time rest on the couch and watch TV. What I have been seeing lately has disgusted me; a lot of coverage of Tiger Woods and the "mistresses in his life". Seriously? My personal favorite is when they go to these launch parties for toys, clothes, etc and ask former teen stars (like Joey Lawrence and Melissa Joan Hart) their throughts on Tiger Woods. It saddens me to see that in the middle of the Christmas Season where many of our soldiers are away from home, during a time where we should be focusing on giving to others and good will towards men, that people are glued to their TV's watching Tiger Woods fall off the pedistal many of the same people put him up on.

Do you know what I would love to see? I would love to see camera come into the homes of these TV Correspondants (like Mary Hart and Nancy O'Dell) and have them air THEIR dirty laundry and TV to see how they like it. While I do agree that public access comes with being a celebrity and that morals are important, I also believe that those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. How many people do we really have to see interviewed for their thoughts on Michael Phelps, Tiger Woods, Jon and Kate or any other figures in the spotlight?

On Wednesday I was really looking forward to hearing stories about the winner of the Biggest Loser and the Highlights of the finale the night before, like each season prior. Nope, a whole 30 minutes devoted to Tiger Woods and how insiders in Sweden saw this coming......it's days when I am sick on the couch I am glad I can flip the channel to Wheel of Fortune or Let's Make a Deal...shows that don't involve celebrity scandal.

That's just my pet peeve.....how about instead of focusing on celebrity scandals we can focus on making the world a better place?

-Jackie

What a wknd

Hope you all are having a great wknd! Unfortunately mine has not gone as planned. I was supposed to go down to Iowa for my niece's 2nd birthday today but at work on Friday I ended up having 4 asthma attacks along with chest pains. I needed to take last night and today off to recover. I really wanted to see the little Tyke turn 2 but unfortunately I will have to wait until Christmas to see her! My husband, puppy and I ended up snuggling on the couch where we watched UP (which was kind of depressing) and Star Trek. I am not a Star Trek fan but I LOVED the movie. I am going to add it to my DVD collection.

Another thing I love is the site I love free things. If you are on Facebook you can find a page there which list the free deals and samples along with the link to sign up for them. If not you can go directly to their website. I have gotten a lot of cool things from them including boy shorts, food free samples and coupons for free items! I just love that site!

I am kind of floating through the Holiday season. I was glad to hear we are not having a Christmas out to Eat Party at work like we have done in past years. Instead we are having a Potluck. That is just fine by me because besides putting my time in to help others (through the Salvation Army and Hope Lodge), I want this Christmas to be as low key as possible. We have not put up any Christmas Decorations or lights and besides the work potluck the only Holiday Party I am attending is at Hope Lodge. I might be going to a Chris Tomlin Concert but that is because my friend is looking for someone to use the extra ticket she has. So we'll see.

Hope you have a great week!

-Jackie

Wordless Wednesday

Where has the time gone?

Hello,
It's been quite awhile since I last posted, where did the time go? Things are going okay here, just been really busy with work. Some months its really quiet to the point it is boring. Other times I wish the phone would stop ringing because everyone seems to be going into crisis at the same time.

Hope you all had a Good Thanksgiving (I know those of you in Canada Celebrate Thanksgiving before we do). Since I worked at Hope Lodge during the day; it was just Mike, Pretzel, our friend JP and I. (There are some photos to the right and above) It was almost better that way this year. With it being so soon after my Grandmother passed, I am more floating through the holiday season more than anything. I am very glad due to budget issues, we are having a Potluck instead of a restaurant Christmas party. Most of the Christmas events I am participating in this year will be pretty low key.

On Friday I left for a scrapbooking retreat. I wish I could say it went well but besides getting pages done in my Memory album for my Grandma and being about to be out in the woods for awhile, it was awful! I ended up having to leave early because of the lack of sleep I got and because I kept trying to fight off a migraine. The people who were there were either related or already knew each other so I tried my best to get to know others. When I got home the male half of the team hosting this had unfriended me from Facebook. Facebook has it's Glitches so I thought it was a mistake and sent him a friends request as well as some others there. They all were ignored. Then this morning I get a nasty Facebook message from the Female half of the CM team stating that she is unfriending me because she did not appreciate my attitude, I should not have left early and I accused her of rigging the drawing. Whatever. She kept drawing her relatives names and I made a joke (that others had done before this) asking "are you sure my name is in there." But either way, I am glad I went to get work done on the album though I want no more contact with these people. I believe in being direct with others when there is an issue going on and if I need supplies I can always buy/order elsewhere. I would rather have people ask me what I meant than make assumptions.

Onto a MUCH MORE positive note...

A couple of weeks ago I went up to see my Mom on the way to visit some clients. I was able to pick up some dolls and things my Grandmother had made me. I was also about to pick up the Afghan my Grandmother was working on for my husband at the time of her passing. It's nice to have these items in my home as they a nice reminder of my Grandmother and things that warm my heart.

















Have a good week!
-Jackie