Anybody here?

I am back. I have not found the desire to blog like I used to. I keep having to remind myself that it has only been 2 weeks since my Grandmothers passing. I am doing better but still have my difficult days, like today when it was difficult to even get out of bed and out of my PJ's. Since I went to Church last night I ended up lounging on the Couch and Watching State Fair and Top Gun. I also found myself bawling my eyes out in Top Gun when his Wing Man died. I have never cried during that part before and I have been the movie a million times (my family and I saw in 5 times when it first came out in the theatre. My Grandmother loved the movie so much she got it as part of her paid subscription to Sports Illustrated). It's difficult because my world has been shaken so hard and I do not know what is normal for me anymore. A lot of things that were important to me are no longer important.

I had joined an Alpha Group this fall but have decided not to continue in it. It is hard for me to sit in a group where they talk about how God cured them or their illnesses and injuries while my Grandma did not have the same story. Also one member of the group keeps talking about how their is a miracle from God every time a baby is born. I have to bite my tongue and keep from saying "Not all of us get blessed with this miracle." This study is not out of the Church we currently attend but one we attended for 4 years then ended up leaving because they only seemed to care about women with Children. Needless to say, I am "dropping out" of Alpha and have decided to attend a Grief support Group instead. I really need to be around people who are going through what I am and don't expect me to brush things off and move on with my life like I don't miss my Grandmother.

I guess this post kind of turned into a rant...for those of you who have read up until this point, thanks for listening.

-Jackie

My thoughts and Feelings in a Unique way

Today..

Outside my window…is a full parking lot. The Garages have all been taken down to make room for underground parking...which is leaving a temporary hassle in our Parking lot.

I am thinking…I miss my Grandma and wonder when I will start to feel like myself again

I am thankful for…the years I had with my Grandmother and the support I have received during this difficult time.

From the kitchen…Dirty Dishes

I am wearing…pajamas

I am creating…this blog entry .

I am going…to watch the last episode of Guiding Light tomorrow. I will miss that show! (See cast Photo on the top of this entry.

I am reading…"Jennifer Johnson is tired of being Single..." (Only because I heard the Author on Twin Cities Live talking about it and I am still on the waiting list for LA Candy.

I am hoping…that my rude and disrespectful client does not call me tomorrow. I am about ready to tell her if I am doing that terrible of a job please call my boss and asked to be re-assigned a case manager. (Stepping off my soapbox now)

I am hearing…The fan

Around the house…the pleasing sight of the Orchid plant my co-workers/boss bought me after my Grandmother passed away

One of my favorite things…Sleep

A few plans for the rest of the week…work from home tomorrow =), a Luau party on Saturday afternoon followed by a Rememberance Dinner for my Grandmother....(she was cremated per her wishes and we will have the funeral in the Spring...just the way she wanted it. She will be buried next to my Grandfather...who I love to brag about. He was a WWI Airforce Pilot and Flew on the Memphis Belle)

It's so hard....to say Goodbye...to yesterday....

I got the call I have been dreading for the last month this morning.....my Grandmother passed away from Cancer today. She was 85 years old. For those of you who don't know my Grandmother was one of the closest people in my life. She lived with my family for a number of years and was always one of my biggest supporters. I get some of my craftiness from her as she made dolls, afghans, clothes, many things including the angel that sat on top of our family's Christmas tree. She was a wonderful cook and one of my favorite things she would make was her doughnuts from scratch. She loved animals (especially dogs). She always encouraged me to go out and pursue the things I wanted in life. I love her dearly and will miss her. I am proud to be her Granddaughter. Rest in Peace, dear Grandmother.

-Jackie

Wordless Wednesday

Where to go from here

Hi Everyone,
I am enjoying my last days of vacation before I go back to work. For those of you who are not on Facebook or who didn't get to see my note on there, I will tell you that the trip to see my Grandma was a much needed one. I needed to see for myself how she was doing and to be able to say the things to her I needed to say. She is still bedridden at this point and does not eat very much most days (pudding and coffee most days with maybe half a slice of toast). She says most everything tastes like cardboard, which I have heard is common amongst cancer patients. She is having a steady stream of visitors which is good and Montana is a great provider for hospice care. They have a PCA and Skilled Nurse working with her and Aunt and Cousin are also around to provide care for her. I will continue to keep you all posted on how she is doing.

I am not 100% sure in what format I will continue this blog. I was doing the photo challenge but I fell off that wagon during the time I found out my Grandmother was/is sick. I will continue to take and post photos on here but I think in a less structured format. I might move this blog to wordpress if I can't figure out how to post photos without them all moving to the top.

I am looking forward to fall--it's actually my favorite season of the year. The trip to Montana left me with a lot of questions (not doubts necessarily but questions) so I will be taking the Alpha Course this fall at Our Old Church that was right behind our old apartment complex. I tried to take this course 5 years ago but I was on call 24/7 at the job I was employed at during that time and kept getting called into work. I am looking forward to actually being able to take and finish the course.

This month is already looking to be a busy one but busy in a good way. Hubby & I are continuing to help with fruits of the city where we get fruits from tree's of private homeowners as well as orchards and the fruits get donated to local food banks. At our last picking in Rush City we were able to donate 12,000 pounds of Apples which went to numerous Twin Cities and Wisconsin Food Shelters as well as the Food Bank in Rush City, where we did the picking. I am also looking forward to scrapbooking again this weekend. I found a group of scrapbookers who are in my age group and not part of the mommy and me crowd. The first crop is this wknd and there will also be Social Activities planned with this group.

In addition to all of this our Church is expanding our seating by 3,000 seats. At Fall kickoff next wknd they will be telling us how this is going to happen. This is exciting because this campus (which is our third campus, the building given to them by a Baptist Church that was closing it's doors) opened in 2008 and is already running out of room at the Sunday services. Should be an exciting time for our campus and Church in general!

I do have some photos to share but you will have to wait until I get my USB cord for my new camera (old/new, I bought it from a friend). We did not do much while in Montana but I did get some good shots. Until next time..


Take Care,
Jackie