I am back. I have not found the desire to blog like I used to. I keep having to remind myself that it has only been 2 weeks since my Grandmothers passing. I am doing better but still have my difficult days, like today when it was difficult to even get out of bed and out of my PJ's. Since I went to Church last night I ended up lounging on the Couch and Watching State Fair and Top Gun. I also found myself bawling my eyes out in Top Gun when his Wing Man died. I have never cried during that part before and I have been the movie a million times (my family and I saw in 5 times when it first came out in the theatre. My Grandmother loved the movie so much she got it as part of her paid subscription to Sports Illustrated). It's difficult because my world has been shaken so hard and I do not know what is normal for me anymore. A lot of things that were important to me are no longer important.
I had joined an Alpha Group this fall but have decided not to continue in it. It is hard for me to sit in a group where they talk about how God cured them or their illnesses and injuries while my Grandma did not have the same story. Also one member of the group keeps talking about how their is a miracle from God every time a baby is born. I have to bite my tongue and keep from saying "Not all of us get blessed with this miracle." This study is not out of the Church we currently attend but one we attended for 4 years then ended up leaving because they only seemed to care about women with Children. Needless to say, I am "dropping out" of Alpha and have decided to attend a Grief support Group instead. I really need to be around people who are going through what I am and don't expect me to brush things off and move on with my life like I don't miss my Grandmother.
I guess this post kind of turned into a rant...for those of you who have read up until this point, thanks for listening.
-Jackie
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8 comments:
It's ok to not be ok after only two weeks.
even though the grief will eventually fade, it will never go away. My Mom died 24 years ago. I still get sad (and sometimes even weepy) on her birthday.
Your Grandmother loved Top Gun and read Sports Illustrated? She sounds like quite a lady.
Yep, and she liked romance novels too. She also watched Soap Operas until about 5-10 years ago.
I'm glad to hear that you're joining a group support group. I hope that helps you during this difficult time.
Thanks for stopping by! :-) I love new readers!
Yes, aren't dogs just wonderful? What would we do without them?? I know this may sound silly, but my girls have really helped me get through some tough times... I think God gave them to us so that we would have a glimpse of what God's unconditional love for us is. :)
So sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. My grandfather has been gone for 9 years and I still miss him very much. God will get you through this though! Continue to seek Him and He will give you the grace you need for each day.
I'm praying for you!
**and so nice to "meet" you! I look forward to following you on your life journey!
Praying for you as you grieve over your Grandmother. She sounds like a wonderful woman. Take all the time you need - don't feel pressured by others or even from yourself to jump back into life before you are ready. After we lost our baby I had to step back from my usual activities and take time alone with the Lord to grieve and allow Him to heal me. ((HUGS))
Take it easy on yourself. Grief is a long process.
My grandmother died in 1994, and my grandfather in 1997, and I had (separate) dreams about both of them last night.
I hope you make some connections in the new group that you're joining. Michelle W.
I'm so glad to hear you're joining a support group. You need to realize that what you're feeling is to be expected when you lose someone that was so important to you. {{HUGS}} Jackie.
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