Wow! It's been almost 2 weeks already and I cannot believe the change that has come about. One small change I decided to make in my life snowballed into other health changes. I went into all of this with one goal--caffeine reduction/elimination. I have come out of it with so much more. When I go to the Grocery store I now want to eat healthy. An example of this is today, I went to the store and saw cupcakes on sale. Normally I would have scooped them right but instead I bought the Special K Chocolate Delight cereal. I have turned down sweets at two different events and I have started taking my vitmamins again!
My only issue right now with vitamins is being able to take them all at once (to stomach them), I absolutely cannot each them in the morning without getting sick. I have to wait before bed to take them. I am now taking Calcium+Vitamin D, a Multivitamin, Fish Oil and Green Tea tabs. I think it has really helped with my mood and I have so far lost 4 pounds (I am not in it to lose weight but if it happens I will not complain.)
I have more energy to do things and take far less naps than I used to. Last night I went out with a friend to a 20-30 somethings group and I would have never done that on a Sunday when I had to work the next day. It's amazing the changes that take place when you change one thing in your life you did not think that you could.
-Jackie
I have decided to get rid of my Caffeine habit. I tried this before but for the wrong reasons (I had a doctor who would not perscribe me migraine meds and instead told me to kick caffeine. I eventually got another doctor.) But I have decided I want to get rid of this part of my life. Lately I have been up to 5 pops a day (normally Mountain Dews). I do not like having to depend on Pop for energy boosts. I do not like having the crash that comes when the caffeine boost is gone. I do not want to put myself at risk diabetes or chest pains.
Today was day one of my caffeine elimination. I will not go cold Turkey (and have been advised not to by many websites and others who have done this). I had struggles that I have read are normal. While I slept like a baby last night, I had a great deal of trouble concentrating today, was irritable and tonight while waiting for my husband to get out of a taste test, I had a huge drop in my blood sugar and felt weak and dizzy. After we had supper I felt like my old self again and we enjoyed a walk around Mall of America. I want to get out and enjoy life more and not worry if a venue is serving caffeine. I want to get up and go without having to rely on the Mountain Dew pick me up. It won't be easy and will be gradual but I am ready and willing to do it.
I will keep you all posted in the coming weeks on my progress.
-Jackie
I did a wordless Wednesday post previously but I decided that I can't leave today wordless...there is a lot going on right now and I would rather be vocal about it.
On Monday I attended my first Grief and loss Support Group meeting. I had my hesitations about it (one of them being that I am the Youngest Member there) but I am really glad I went and will continue to go to the meetings twice a month. What a lot of people don't realize is my Grandmother lived with my family for many years (from when I was 9 until a little bit after my 16th birthday) and in many ways she was like another parent for me (and my siblings). As I watched the first DVD session I felt myself nodding along with a lot of what they were saying on about what comes along with the Grieving process. Some of the things that impacted me the hardest was when they talked about how you can be fine one day or for a few days and have grief hit you like a big wave. (This has happened to me quite a few times). Another thing they advised was not to make any big decisions right now if you don't have to. This is something I needed to hear because with all of this I have wanted to run away from a lot of things that were familiar to me and start fresh as I am trying to figure out who I am after this loss. It was also nice to be around people with similar experiences who understood what I am going through.
Another big thing for me this week was going through Orientation today at the Minneapolis Hope Lodge. This is a lot like the Ronald McDonald house but for patients and their caregiver over the age of 18. It is nestled right on the U of M campus and people who stay there live at least 50 miles away from where they are getting treatment and do not have to pay anything. They have 9 paid staff and the rest (about 200) are volunteers. I am going to be putting in 8 hours a month and am really excited about it. I can sign up via the internet and have signed up through the beginning of January! I was pleasantly surprised to see Christmas Eve and Christmas day having all their volunteer slots filled. Some days I will help out for 2 hours or so after work and some days I am just filling in for 4 hours on a Saturday or Sunday morning.
I am very happy to see the MN Twins in the Playoffs! I was supposed to go to a Game this year but was in Montana during this time so a friend and her boyfriend got to see them. I am really hoping they can sweep this series and make it to the World Series!
We're gonna Win Twins
We're gonna score
We're gonna win Twins
Watch that Baseball Soar!
Knock out a Home Run
Shout out Hip Hooray!
Cheer for the MN Twins Today!
Have a good rest of the week!
-Jackie
There is a song from Greenday where the lyrics go "Wake my up, when September end." Until recently I would think to myself they really need to choose another month because I love September! Sadly, September of 2009 was not one of those Septembers. Looking back I found myself in Auto Pilot for much of the month. I remember my breakdowns and I remember family Moments before my Grandmother passed and afterwards, but regular day to day moments are a big blur. I was looking at my billing for work today and was surprised to see how much work I put in even though I was done for a week and a half. I found myself thinking "When did I get all this work done?" Then I realized that it was all done in autopilot.
I am a Social Worker. In school I learned all about the grieving process. There were even 2 questions about it on my licensing exam. But this is the first time in my adult life where the death of a loved one has slapped me in the face the way it has. I find myself somewhat estranged from many of my co-workers, a few that I used to feel close to I no longer feel that way anymore. I like to go in early or work from home more and more these days so I do not have to be in the office. Granted, I have no issues going out and seeing my clients; it's just the day to day interactions with my co-workers and boss that seem to shake me up. I already feel uneasy as it is with a lot of them because the after work activities consist of going out and drinking. I do drink from time to time but the bar is not my scene. Sometimes the situation with my co-workers makes me feel like I am back in High School. I am hoping this will go away with time.
Next week I am going to my Mother's house where she will have my horse quilt and dolls my Grandmother made for me when I was a child as well as the poodle skirt she made for my Halloween Costume. In sixth grade I played a munchkin in the school play and she made my costume, complete with the munchkin shoes. I am hoping to get a Hope Chest for Christmas where I can store these items that are so close to my heart along with other cherished items like the jewelery I wore on my wedding day, my veil and other things.
I am trying not to get angry at myself for having moments of sadness, discontent and anger that are more easily triggered. Some examples of this would be watching the
Wonder Years (on You Tube) and bawling my eyes out when there is a scene where a character close to Kevin passes away. A friend of mine (who has never experienced infertility) posted a blog from someone who experienced it but then adopted and had a successful story. I became angry with my friend and almost said something because not only has she not experienced this first hand, but I feel she also discredits that adoption is not for every couple. Yesterday at work I had to deal with a crisis situation after getting a call from a client who was involved in a family dispute. After a call to the police and adult protection I was so shaken the only thing I could do was go home and finish my case notes there,
I am looking forward to the baby steps coming up (including going to the support group next week) of getting back into the social swing of things. I am trying to go slow right now as to not overwhelm myself. This wknd I am going to my first scrapbooking crop since February where the women are NOT mommies and I do not have to deal with the Mommy and Me talk. Next Wednesday I am going to my volunteer orientation at Hope lodge which is a facility (of many locations one being in Minneapolis) where cancer patients and their families can stay in private suites while also provide a wide variety of cancer programs and services that provide information, resources and support to ease the cancer journey. Next weekend my friend Sara and I are also going to the Apple Orchard so that should be fun. Yesterday I bought my first batch of Honey crisps and have been eating them with Carmel dip. Tasty!
Have a good week everyone. Thank you for all the support.
-Jackie
My only issue right now with vitamins is being able to take them all at once (to stomach them), I absolutely cannot each them in the morning without getting sick. I have to wait before bed to take them. I am now taking Calcium+Vitamin D, a Multivitamin, Fish Oil and Green Tea tabs. I think it has really helped with my mood and I have so far lost 4 pounds (I am not in it to lose weight but if it happens I will not complain.)
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